Chances Are

Aside ~ September 27, 2017September 27, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 6 Comments

Coincidence? I think not. Happenstance? No.

It was divine guidance. Fate. Destiny. Meant to be.

I would never have been in Central Park otherwise that day. Hadn’t been there for years.

Avoided it, actually, as I did any person, place or thing that connected me to you, or the us that we had been.

But for some reason (it felt so random at the time,) I decided to get on the train and head uptown.

It was a sunny Labor Day. New York City felt generous without most of her locals taking up space.

I had no plans. I was trying to stay active so as not to slip into loneliness.

I came out of the subway at Columbus Circle. No plan. No route in mind. I wandered, following my nose, enjoying just being in the world.

I suddenly realized I was in “our” spot, on the Great Lawn. A fluttery fear made its presence known in my belly.

Without conscious intention, my eyes scanned the horizon, and just as I realized what I was doing, I saw you lying there.

Even face down, I’d know your body anywhere. Long, lanky, tanned. Shirt off, ripped, worn jeans low on your hips.

My heart somersaulted. A rush of heartache and bruised love and attraction rushed through my body.

In a moment of agonizing indecision, I considered turning away, walking past, walking on.

But my feet and heart had other ideas, and they took me to where I was standing over you.

Did you feel my presence, or was it just that I was blocking the sun?

You turned your head and said hello.

Just like that.

It had been three years of no contact. Three years since I came home to an apartment emptied of your things. A total shock.

Three years since I learned you’d been seeing other people for at least the last year of our relationship.

Three years of putting the pieces of my heart and my life back together, mending the gaping holes you left.

And today, of all days, “randomly,” our paths cross.

I say I’m well, and I mean it. I ask how you are, and then I wish you well, and I mean that too.

The truth is, I’ve never been better. The truth is, you don’t look so well.

I see the pack of cigarettes and the empty tallboys in the grass. I see a guy who is nursing last night’s drunk with midday hair of the dog.

You look like you’re in exactly the same place you were before the shit hit the fan. The place where we both drank too much. The lost place. The place where our love did not survive.

I see this, and I wish you well, from my heart, and I walk away.

I smile to myself, a bit astonished at my strength. The capacity of my heart to forgive. My resilience. My spirit. At the Universe knowing the perfect moment, the exact moment I am ready for it, providing me with this chance to see that I have healed. This chance to let it all go.

I move forward, into the sunlight, into the lush green of the park, into the present beauty of my life.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: coincidence

Rebirth

Aside ~ September 24, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 1 Comment

Hello, my love, you’ve no longer any need to hide

I’m here now, and I’ll remain, always by your side

I can safely say you’ll never again be on your own

You won’t be left to fend, out in the world, all alone

You’ll be attended to, appreciated, pampered, protected,

I am yours, you are mine, we’re forever interconnected

The past will be replaced with a now that shines bright

I’ll hold you close, say your name, through the dark of each night

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: pamper

Wallflower Heart

Aside ~ September 19, 2017September 19, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ Leave a comment

She waits in the shadows

Yearning to be seen

Afraid to be found lacking

Wearing her best, new, outfit

Hair curled, lips glossy peach

Rubs her lip against her braces

Her heart flutters as he walks by

Calls his name, a tentative whisper

The vibration of her voice

Floats off into the beating music

He doesn’t turn, doesn’t notice

Her hope sinks deep

Back to the well of loneliness

Where her heart lives

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: tentative

Beach Day

Aside ~ September 17, 2017September 17, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ Leave a comment

First the shock, then I screamed

Sharp stings across my calves

Filled my chest with angry hurt

Blue water, friendly one moment,

Betraying my trust the next

You swept me up in your Goliath arms

Held my beating heart against yours

Pulled me to the safe crevices I knew as Daddy

I squeezed my eyes tight in fury

You asked to see where the hurt was

Rubbed and kissed it, swore at the fish

I think that’s the last happy memory I have of us

Wish I could go back in time

Into the crawlspace of your chest

And be just your daughter again

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: sting

Status Quo

Aside ~ September 16, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 2 Comments

“Allow me to recreate myself,” she said to no one in particular.

Then she realized that as she had never really let anyone get to know the real her, how’d they even be able to tell the difference?

Somehow, this realization took most of the excitement out of the whole idea.

In the end, she decided she might as well stay herself.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt

That’s Amore

Aside ~ September 15, 2017September 15, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ Leave a comment

The first time I really fell in love was with a very talented chef.

We met each other just as the whole celebrity chef phenomenon was starting to really cook. He was just beginning to rise as some of the mega-star chefs of today such as Bobby Flay were just starting to blaze.

The restaurant world was abuzz then, and I was a small part of it. I was a server at the newly opened second restaurant of a long-time successful NYC 3-star chef. Being a perfectionist and a Betty-by-the-Book type, I was an excellent waitress and often asked to serve food critics and VIP fellow chefs.

One morning I went into the kitchen before service started and something felt different. Like some animal sense, the hairs on my arms stood up. My body vibrated. My back was to it, but I literally felt compelled to look over at the line.

There I saw the most incredible pair of hands at work. I was mesmerized for a moment. The way they touched the produce was so…intimate. So sensual.

My cheeks blushed with heat and as I looked up to see who belonged to those hands, my eyes met the sweetest almond-shaped hazel eyes.

It felt like I literally poured into him through his eyes. Time just sort of expanded and the moment felt like forever.

I gathered myself together, and just before I turned to go back out on the floor, my eyes found his lips, which had a sexy little smile dancing across their fullness.

That was it for me. My life changed course in those moments.

I fell hard that day. He had been brought in to the restaurant as sous chef, and our paths were to cross daily. I was involved with someone else at the time, though it was a dying relationship.

I literally fell under a kind of spell. I made some choices that I am not proud of today.

Chef and I began what would end up being an extremely important, passionate, ultimately heartbreaking (twice) relationship.

We were young, emotionally wounded, and both out of control and lost. But boy, did I love him.

It still makes my head swim to think of it. The story of us is epic and blog-worthy. But not today. I’m not quite ready.

When I tell you that he was the most talented of them all, of all the star chefs then and the star chefs-to-be (the ones who were behind the star chefs who have since risen to fame,) and maybe even of the current culinary stars, I am not exaggerating or talking from my entranced heart.

He was truly gifted. His food was the most flavorful, exquisitely layered food I have ever tasted, and I have had the pleasure of some incredible meals then and now.

A meal under his talents was a total body sensual experience and left you with an amazing high.

People became diehard fans, literally traveling across countries to follow him wherever he went.

Our relationship ended dramatically, not once but twice. My heart was totally shattered.

But I was gifted a love of fine dining that remains to this day.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: flavorful

Martyrdom

Aside ~ September 14, 2017September 14, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 1 Comment

A thorny crown of my own making

Embedded in my righteous mind

I no longer feel the pain

You cut the wood, laid it at my feet

But the cross I bear I made myself

My tears became the stain

These things are woven into

The life and form I take today

Don’t know how to cut them out

Can I survive their extrication

Or am I Siamese with myself

Forever connected, inextricably devout

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: thorny

Quirks and Smiles

Aside ~ September 13, 2017September 13, 2017 ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 9 Comments

I have penchant for: clouds, everything arranged in the cabinet with the labels facing out, blazing sunsets, pastel sunsets, (any and all sunsets,) thinking some place is “just a little farther” but it’s really quite far, flowers (especially daisies,) bright toenail polish, the little pads of a cat’s foot, a baby’s laugh, finding a missing sock, picking at a broken nail, poking my tongue with my pointy inciser tooth, a blade of grass breaking through a crack in a sidewalk, sharing a laugh with a stranger, coconut anything, my husband’s hands.

You?

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: penchant