living life out loud

Inside-Out

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 6 Comments

It is easy to live life unconsciously hurting yourself in ways that seem subtle, but add up.

These are the small and large ways I deprive myself daily:

I do not drink enough water

I wait until my towels and sheets are seriously past their prime before getting new ones

I hurl myself through experiences sometimes with little attention to the scared parts of me that are there being hurled too

I push myself to seem happier than I feel so as not to bum others out

I push away my anger, hearing my father’s voice: “No one loves an angry girl.”

I skip over little hurts (but they still hurt,) sending the message that they don’t count (but they do)

I don’t take the time to cheer myself for all that I am doing right

I hold off going to pee until it is the last minute

How are you depriving yourself in little and large ways?

Acknowledge that, turn each thing around on itself by identifying the opposite action, and voila! You have a beautiful self-care list!

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Prompt: deprive

Stalled

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 1 Comment

There is such a thing as sitting on the fence too long

If you wait too long to make a choice to go to one side or the other

You might lose the impetus to move altogether

The impulse that got you up on the fence in the first place

Might die a quiet but painful little death

At the very least

You risk getting splinters in your bottom

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: fence

Note to Self

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 5 Comments

I’m in awe of you

Of your courage

The capacity of your heart to forgive

Your continual willingness to try no matter what

Your full-hearted commitment to living your truth

Your love of life that always manages to overcome your darkness

Your never- ending spirit in the face of despair

I am in awe of you

You are my hero

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: awe

Constant Companion

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 1 Comment

A hunger, an appetite

For more of what, I do not know

Resides inside me all the time

Tells me how to feel, where to go

Will fight hard to get what’s mine

Begrudges others getting theirs

I try to feed it, it just wants more

It doesn’t trust that I am there

And so I love her anyway, since, after all, she’s mine

I try to guide her, try to soothe her

I accept her enormous need

I take her hand and sing her songs

And hope that one day, she’ll be freed

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: companion

A Wrinkle in Time

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 1 Comment

“Why darling, it’s perfectly natural, it happens to everyone now and then,” she said in a soothing tone, hoping to diffuse the tension that had settled into the folds of the bedsheets that now lay crumpled across their naked bodies.

It took her a few moments to realize that he wasn’t turned away from her in shame, but that he’d actually fallen asleep and was looking annoyingly peaceful.

It was then that she realized that the tension she’d felt was all her own.

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: natural

The Battle

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 2 Comments

Sometimes I struggle with life

With living it, that is

I love it, this life

But it’s hard sometimes

And when I am in the struggle

When I feel like life is against me

I forget I’m not alone in it

Everyone’s lives look so easy compared to mine

And I feel so weary

But eventually, the struggle passes

And I return to myself again

Everything is not rainbows and moonbeams

But I can feel the presence of others again

And I no longer feel so…

On my own against the world

And that makes all the difference

Inspired by The Daily Post Archived Daily Word Prompt: struggle

Rehabilitation

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 6 Comments

Gonna rebuild this heart of mine

Strip it down to the studs

Clear out the old debris

Old timber and waste I no longer need

I’ll live with it bare for awhile

Get a feel for its original structure

And listen for what new wants to be built

Find out where to put the walls

And where to leave open space

I’ll paint with bright colors

And decorate each chamber how I feel it

And when the renovation is complete

I’ll invite all my soul parts and my lost little girls

To choose a room and m make themselves at home

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: rebuild

Unexpected Turns

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 7 Comments

I just discovered that I love directing!

This is after a lifelong love of acting.

I had never even considered directing. Always thought I didn’t have the brain for it.

(And who knows, maybe I don’t.)

But a fellow actress recently asked me to direct her in a one woman monologue play, and though I hesitated at first, something in me wanted to.

That part was almost drowned out by the voices that said what was I thinking? Who am I? I’ve no formal experience directing.

(Never mind decades of being directed, studying theatre and acting. Never mind helping fellow actors countless times stage and work on their auditions over those decades.)

But somewhere in the midst of the cacophony of negative voices, I felt a curiosity, an interest in the play, an interest in the actress who asked.

And so I said yes.

And it turns out, I am loving it.

Now, I have no intention of stopping acting.

But.

I want to continue exploring this new perspective within acting alongside my acting pursuits.

I want to do more directing!

Who knew?

(I’m so glad I listened to that quiet little voice.)

Free Will

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ 2 Comments

Every day I choose to stay is a triumph

Life is not a given

I choose to live

To do my best

To love as much as I can

To reach for more

I fumble, I fall, I fail

I get up and try again

Every day, a triumph

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: triumph

Urban Twilight

Aside ~ ~ Beyond the Skinny Branches ~ Leave a comment

Neon lights taser early evening shadows of the day

and dance off windows ever-reaching for the sky

Blazing, burnt orange sun makes its slow slide into the Hudson

Pours her liquid sunlight across the city spaces

between buildings, and down crowded streets, across the trafficked avenues

Something electric runs through the veins of life in the streets

The city, she feels more alive, more alight than before